The Awakening of Russell

This week’s installment of Russell and Hanna’s adventures. Get the whole story. The book available at

I pondered that last remark, did she mean music wise or something else? I didn’t pursue it. There was so much going on in my mind as it was. I was trying to figure out what the hell I was really doing. My life as I knew it was disappearing and I wasn’t too sure of it all. I didn’t know if I’d ever go back to my position with the bank. I had a clearer picture of Dana and why she left me. Then there were my parents., I felt guilty about what I was doing because I knew they worried and disapproved, thinking they must have somehow failed in raising me.

Then, Hanna, what she was starting to mean to me, the sexual frustration I was feeling. I liked her free spirit, but how long until she found some other travel companion that was more interesting or better musician. I didn’t see me as a prize for someone like her.

“Hey, in there, are you still here, still with me? Come on back now, Russell, I’m looking for you. I’m hungry. Let’s eat something.”

I blinked my eyes and looked at her smiling face, her head cocked, twirling a strand of hair. I melted. “I’m sorry. I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“Care to share?”

“It’s just, I don’t know . . . I’m having a hard time, Hanna. I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I’m afraid of what I’m doing, afraid of where I’m going, and . . . and, well, I’m afraid of what I’ll do when you’re gone.”

“What?! When I’m gone?! I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

“You will, when you get tired of me. Dammit, Hanna, I’m scared. I don’t want to go back to Iowa. It’ll never be the same. I don’t know where I’m going. My parents think I’m nuts, my sister probably does too. You’re the only person in the world who I care about and when this is over, what will we have. Is there any future for us? And I can’t keep on sleeping with you snuggled in next to me every night. It’s driving me nuts . . . I don’t know what it’s like for women, but for me . . . I’m just god-dammed sexually frustrated!” My voice had risen and I was almost shouting.

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