It was a chilly few weeks in our apartment after that Sunday night. We weren’t speaking and avoided each other as best we could. I made him sleep on the couch and I left early in the morning so as to avoid him as best I could. Of course, he worked late so I rarely saw him at night.
I met Jess for dinner on Wednesday night as we had planned. I told her all about the fight . . . it was good to be able to talk with someone about my marriage and my unhappiness. She and I began to meet for lunch several times a week and have dinner together two or three nights a week. After a few nights out, she invited me to her condo after work for dinner and maybe a movie. We would sit together on her couch and one night she put her arm around me and pulled me close to her. I happily responded and snuggled in next to her. It made me feel warm and secure knowing I had such a close friend.
When my colleagues were wondering why I wasn’t joining them for the office Friday nights. I told them my husband and I had decided on Friday night after work dates.
In August Russell left for a corporate retreat in Florida and would be gone the whole week from Sunday through the following Sunday. I was elated that he would be out of my hair and that I would be able to spend more time with Jess. I was feeling closer to her than I had ever felt for my husband.
He left early Saturday for a late morning flight so I had made a date with Jess for the afternoon and evening. We had drinks followed by dinner followed by a nightcap at her place. She closed the door behind us, took my hand and pulled me to her and held me. She whispered in my ear that she was falling in love with me. I shuddered, confused about what she meant. I knew I cared for her as a friend, but what did she mean? I pulled away and she saw the stunned look in my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “that was wrong of me to say, to say it that way without any explanation. I thought you must have figured it out, that I’m a lesbian and I’m attracted to women. I’m very attracted to you, very very attracted.”
“I know what a lesbian is. I thought you wanted to be my friend, not a lover.” I said more harshly than I had intended, but deep down I felt a warmth arise into my heart that I hadn’t ever felt before, not with Russell, not with anyone. So many feelings then arose, I began to feel dizzy. I liked being with her, maybe I could be in love with her too, but didn’t realize it.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered, “I . . . I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I’m very flattered to know you care for me. I care for you too. You’re very special to me too, but I don’t know about loving another woman this way. I’m just not sure what I feel right now.” Then I hugged her back, I hugged her very tight and my eyes began to tear up and I struggled not to cry.
She pulled back, then leaned in and kissed me. I kissed her back. Then she pulled away again, pushed me to arms length and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong of me. You are vulnerable and I’m sorry.”
I looked at her for a moment then, “It’s okay. Really. I liked it. It meant a lot to me,” and I drew her to me and kissed her back feeling a warm sensation of unknown desire rising up inside me.”
She led me to her bedroom where we slowly undressed each other, kissing and caressing and falling into her bed. I felt sensations that were totally new. I was twenty-nine years old and had my first orgasm that night.