there she was

on needadate.com,

please salve my lonely heart,

sad so many years from lost loves.

 

email correspondence,

exchanged photos,

a goddess beyond dreams,

she found me interesting,

wanted to meet

next saturday afternoon,

coffee and a walk

in some park,

where flowers bloomed,

water rippled,

lovers held hands,

children played,

dogs were walked,

ducks on the pond,

idyllic new spring, blossom perfume.

 

arrived expectantly

to meet a dream,

never imagined,

heart expectant,

a tap on my arm,

“you” she said,

an excited look

to where she stood,

not her picture,

dark hair,

not blond,

skinny,

not curved,

a smile,

a crooked tooth,

but scared,

so scared,

“sorry”, she said.

 

stared in awe,

took her hand

and fell in love.

another year lost

another arrives

nothing new about it

 

same old/same old

same old memories

same old angst

same as it ever was

same as it ever was

 

nothing will change

nothing but the worst

nothing worth worry

nothing worth hope

nothing worth faith

nothing worth anything

 

philistine minds

only satiate

non-diminished sadness

hidden behind new fallen

diamond crystal snow

the man sat in meditation on the rock by the trail

above the forest where birds used to sing

where wild men used to dance naked to the drum

where we once roamed in stardust from an ancient time

 

so come let us walk in the new concrete forest

where only zoo animals dwell in silence

in sadness of their prison bar cells

forgetting their nature of the life they were meant to have.

The dog pulled up the the station and

I boarded with  ticket to some nowhere

grabbed a window seat to watch a

world pass me by ready for the ride to

where “there” is just “here” with a “T”

which might be a “Y” in the road of

mismanaged unmanageable life

filled with too many deep valleys

to cross trying to get home.

 

Home to Tennessee? where

the sky shrouds your shoulders and

your head is swallowed by the clouds

or to Montana? where the sky

is too big to understand and your

head might explode with such

vastness of monotonous cosmic

possibilities where the uninitiated

can lose themselves forever

or to New Mexico? where I could

live 1500 years ago in the

ancient one’s kiva and discover

if the petroglyph’s gods really were

angels who came from another time

in magic flying ships and gave

knowledge about the workings of

stars and planets and nothingness.

 

I will ride the dog in my eternal

quest for meaning and place

a moving documentary

with no end to an endless

road of the wandering spirit that

cannot rest with words or

pictures and an end that is

not an end but always an

eternal beginning.

there she was

on dateme.com,

please satiate

my lonely heart,

sad so many years from lost loves.

email correspondence,

exchanged photos,

a goddess beyond dreams,

she found me interesting,

wanted to meet

next saturday afternoon,

coffee and a walk

in some park,

where flowers bloomed,

water rippled,

lovers held hands,

children played,

dogs were walked,

ducks on the pond,

idyllic new spring, blossom perfume.

 

arrived expectantly

to meet a dream,

never imagined,

heart expectant,

a tap on my arm,

“you” she said,

an excited look

to where she stood,

not her picture,

dark hair,

not blond,

skinny,

not curved,

a smile,

a crooked tooth,

but scared,

so scared, “sorry”, she said.

stared in awe,

took her hand

and fell in love.